For many times it happened for him to take her to the fair. That’s how they began to know each other. Sometimes her father, who was working in the mine, used to take him “up” and “down”. And this is how before going in the army Marie had Josef as a lady’s man, although she was just 17 years old. After he left for the army she waited for him. At his coming back from the army she was 19 years old, she became a woman, a beautiful one, agile in her work and her talking. They liked each other and if we think about it they knew each other for some years.
Lately they used to spend all day together. Despite all this he still didn’t ask her for marriage …
Every night he used to take her home. Sometimes he used to have a chat with her parents, other times he was in a hurry, on account of how tired he was or the mood he was in.
One night, Marie’s father asked him to go in “the front room”. He served him with plum brandy, they talked, and I think it was about the wedding. About this matter Josef didn’t say anything from his coming back from the army.
Before that, almost daily, they used to make plans about what they will do and how it will be after they will get married. After they would wash the car in the spring’s water, they used to hang out in the grass and make plans for the future again.
Since he got off the army he was sort of a quiet person, tougher. And this would not be a problem but for her it become harder and harder to avoid him, to dismiss his erotic aggression, on the impulse that he is becoming to aggressive. The real thing is that he also likes him a lot and she wants him too and she can’t find any other good cause to save her virginity.
Marie was telling somebody:
– Lately I am afraid to meet him. I feel I won’t be able to bare all this. When he puts his hand on me I shiver all over, a heat goes through all over my body. My mother tells me I lost weight. Who wouldn’t lose weight if she were absorbed like this daily? Who wouldn’t lose weight embracing his touching and sweet words, and all this time thinking that “it is still not allowed, it can’t happen yet”, “we are not married”? What is, in fact, marriage? And if we get married he would care more for me? He would love me more than he loves me now? God, what thoughts get me! I feel restless of all this thoughts and behaviors. Nobody tells me what I should and how I should do it! Whether I’m right or wrong? I wonder why Josef doesn’t say anything about our marriage.

Since he came back from the army he once said: “We shall wait, to gather more things, we have too little …
I have gathered, I wonder where did he get with his gathering?! He doesn’t talk to me. And God, he is so handsome, he talks with so much careful, he treats me tenderly, besides when he gets to close to me. Then he acts like a wild animal …
On Sunday we went again at “our place” to wash the car. It seemed he was more into it than ever, he told me that if I don’t hurry he leaves alone.
We washed the car. He was angry all the time. He was grousing all the time. Nothing got to him. He didn’t even insist at the car’s washing up.
At a certain point he jumped all over me. He put me down. I was uptight and still indigenous with his actions before that, and now … Other times we used to run after each other, to run around, play, he was gentle, he was …
He got all over me and lifted my skirt. I felt something hard hitting me. I was roughly handled by someone that seemed to look for a stolen object, under my skirt, he was emboweling me, tossing and looking inside me, without any common sense. I felt a keen ache, like something was burning me. Then some atrocious aching as someone was hitting me, and then a thunder thrilled me. My entire entity was vibrating, and then I got a full feeling of calmness in my senses and at the moment it all went away. In my mind a small heat was rising, a pleasant heat. For me there was no one else left and I joined this act with all that was woman inside me.
The fantasy lasted for a few moments when a storm started all over my muscles, after which I felt a pleasant drowsiness, a worm one. I felt like sleeping, but in the same time from the same place it all started, I felt something worm inside me. This brought me back to all my senses.
The heat I received was life that was following its course. From this heat I had to make a man. And, that human being, I had to give my own heat. A lot more heat than I have received. I did not ask for anything. Starting this loving step was more like the prelude of a fight than of love. I was bitten, sucked, pushed, hardly oppressed, but as for gentleness, nothing. Do all women go through all this? All the moments fulfilled with love have the same ritual? I think with terror of what would have happened if I had more power, the power to stand against? But, I could not dear …

When I saw his hungry wolf eyes, I was very afraid. A crippling fear … in that moment I realized that yesterday was my last day as a miss …today is too late …
After that he was smoking in peace. I would have liked to ask him what he felt, to tell him what I felt, what I have lived, to talk a while … about our own things. He suddenly changed.
– Can we leave, girl? And he took me home.
I had a talk with my mother; I told her … She didn’t seem surprised or contradicted, she just told me:
– You’ve done well! That’s how men are “caught”.
A week has passed, then another, he didn’t use to take me for a walk, he was coming only at night, to take what he needed, when he could, when not, he used to leave angry.
He also started to forget to take me at the fair on Saturday, fact that was noticed by all people. I had nothing to tell them. Why shouldn’t I go? Should I tell them that we were in a fight? Should I tell them what he’s doing to me every night? And that all day long I’m not good anymore?
Winter was coming; I could not wait for him anymore, by the road.
Three months have passed. Now, not only I was feeling something, but it started to be noticed. In one of “our nights” I told Josef I am pregnant.
– And, what should I do?
– You could take me!
– That I don’t know, girl, we will see about that!
These words were the hardest ones for me. He was calling me “girl”! He came for few times more, and after this at all.
Not only because of the cold weather but for the fact that I could not get with my belly in the village, I could not get outside.
One day a very amiable neighbor came to our place and told me that Josef will get married with “Ana Cucului”. Then I thought I will go out of my mind, she was my school mate, an old friend. That means she knew and… all the village knew.