Miserable as I was I realized all her spell after I felt in love with her. Then I saw the things that others did not see and I was feeling the force that held her and was blazing from her inside. With Tita “I lived” for a month. In fact “I lived” is a matter of saying. The reality is bitterer. Her flat was decorated by a studied guy in the erotic psychology matters, in the greatness of the colors effect on the psychic. The flat was painted with funky colors: purple, ultramarine, cherry, and other keys alike …
You, the chosen one … were left in the living room, in an arm chair. Maybe that room was soundless, but you had the feeling that “it gets on your nerves”. While you were smoking a cigarette a discrepant atmosphere would wrap up your being, also helped by the light given by luster that with its electron beam lights was tearing all the room into striations. If you weren’t able to hear any other noises you simply had the feeling you were being wedged in the chair …
The sounds that came from Tita, her quality voice seemed to allow you a dispensation from that armchair and it gave you a sort of a release in which you were allowed to be yourself. In that moment and space that she had given, you became from a man fasten on an armchair, a controlled man, as an authentic puppet. Through this “alley” that her voice “would open” for you or not … And then, in those moments, you could be with her, worn, enthralled and used by her…
There were nights when the invitation was for one night, but there were many nights when … you were forgotten in your armchair.
While I was with her I felt dragged into the most humiliating circumstances, that would offend any person … mostly a man … and lady’s man, how I considered myself to be.
To all there humiliations was added the fact that I was almost being hit by a car, of which driver was in love with Tita and he heard “that I was being her lover”.
When she was going out with me for a walk I was feeling as a walking stick… her walking stick …I couldn’t bear anymore, I had to run. Now I see that after so many years …her shadows carry me back on these lands, again.
– You told me you loved her, but I see that you still love her.
– You are right. She is the curse of my life. After I’ve been with her I couldn’t understand myself with any other woman.