Since he came back from the army he once said: “We shall wait, to gather more things, we have too little …
I have gathered, I wonder where did he get with his gathering?! He doesn’t talk to me. And God, he is so handsome, he talks with so much careful, he treats me tenderly, besides when he gets to close to me. Then he acts like a wild animal …
On Sunday we went again at “our place” to wash the car. It seemed he was more into it than ever, he told me that if I don’t hurry he leaves alone.
We washed the car. He was angry all the time. He was grousing all the time. Nothing got to him. He didn’t even insist at the car’s washing up.
At a certain point he jumped all over me. He put me down. I was uptight and still indigenous with his actions before that, and now … Other times we used to run after each other, to run around, play, he was gentle, he was …
He got all over me and lifted my skirt. I felt something hard hitting me. I was roughly handled by someone that seemed to look for a stolen object, under my skirt, he was emboweling me, tossing and looking inside me, without any common sense. I felt a keen ache, like something was burning me. Then some atrocious aching as someone was hitting me, and then a thunder thrilled me. My entire entity was vibrating, and then I got a full feeling of calmness in my senses and at the moment it all went away. In my mind a small heat was rising, a pleasant heat. For me there was no one else left and I joined this act with all that was woman inside me.
The fantasy lasted for a few moments when a storm started all over my muscles, after which I felt a pleasant drowsiness, a worm one. I felt like sleeping, but in the same time from the same place it all started, I felt something worm inside me. This brought me back to all my senses.
The heat I received was life that was following its course. From this heat I had to make a man. And, that human being, I had to give my own heat. A lot more heat than I have received. I did not ask for anything. Starting this loving step was more like the prelude of a fight than of love. I was bitten, sucked, pushed, hardly oppressed, but as for gentleness, nothing. Do all women go through all this? All the moments fulfilled with love have the same ritual? I think with terror of what would have happened if I had more power, the power to stand against? But, I could not dear …