Since he came back from the army he once said: “We shall wait, to gather more things, we have too little …
I have gathered, I wonder where did he get with his gathering?! He doesn’t talk to me. And God, he is so handsome, he talks with so much careful, he treats me tenderly, besides when he gets to close to me. Then he acts like a wild animal …
On Sunday we went again at “our place” to wash the car. It seemed he was more into it than ever, he told me that if I don’t hurry he leaves alone.
We washed the car. He was angry all the time. He was grousing all the time. Nothing got to him. He didn’t even insist at the car’s washing up.
At a certain point he jumped all over me. He put me down. I was uptight and still indigenous with his actions before that, and now … Other times we used to run after each other, to run around, play, he was gentle, he was …
He got all over me and lifted my skirt. I felt something hard hitting me. I was roughly handled by someone that seemed to look for a stolen object, under my skirt, he was emboweling me, tossing and looking inside me, without any common sense. I felt a keen ache, like something was burning me. Then some atrocious aching as someone was hitting me, and then a thunder thrilled me. My entire entity was vibrating, and then I got a full feeling of calmness in my senses and at the moment it all went away. In my mind a small heat was rising, a pleasant heat. For me there was no one else left and I joined this act with all that was woman inside me.
The fantasy lasted for a few moments when a storm started all over my muscles, after which I felt a pleasant drowsiness, a worm one. I felt like sleeping, but in the same time from the same place it all started, I felt something worm inside me. This brought me back to all my senses.
The heat I received was life that was following its course. From this heat I had to make a man. And, that human being, I had to give my own heat. A lot more heat than I have received. I did not ask for anything. Starting this loving step was more like the prelude of a fight than of love. I was bitten, sucked, pushed, hardly oppressed, but as for gentleness, nothing. Do all women go through all this? All the moments fulfilled with love have the same ritual? I think with terror of what would have happened if I had more power, the power to stand against? But, I could not dear …

When I saw his hungry wolf eyes, I was very afraid. A crippling fear … in that moment I realized that yesterday was my last day as a miss …today is too late …
After that he was smoking in peace. I would have liked to ask him what he felt, to tell him what I felt, what I have lived, to talk a while … about our own things. He suddenly changed.
– Can we leave, girl? And he took me home.
I had a talk with my mother; I told her … She didn’t seem surprised or contradicted, she just told me:
– You’ve done well! That’s how men are “caught”.
A week has passed, then another, he didn’t use to take me for a walk, he was coming only at night, to take what he needed, when he could, when not, he used to leave angry.
He also started to forget to take me at the fair on Saturday, fact that was noticed by all people. I had nothing to tell them. Why shouldn’t I go? Should I tell them that we were in a fight? Should I tell them what he’s doing to me every night? And that all day long I’m not good anymore?
Winter was coming; I could not wait for him anymore, by the road.
Three months have passed. Now, not only I was feeling something, but it started to be noticed. In one of “our nights” I told Josef I am pregnant.
– And, what should I do?
– You could take me!
– That I don’t know, girl, we will see about that!
These words were the hardest ones for me. He was calling me “girl”! He came for few times more, and after this at all.
Not only because of the cold weather but for the fact that I could not get with my belly in the village, I could not get outside.
One day a very amiable neighbor came to our place and told me that Josef will get married with “Ana Cucului”. Then I thought I will go out of my mind, she was my school mate, an old friend. That means she knew and… all the village knew.

Next day I went outside and set there until he got “up” with the car, so that he could tell me that what I heard was true …that I’m not good for him, after he “annoyed” me for all these years… he left me pregnant and now he marries other that he knows for a few months.
When the wedding with “Ana Cucului” took place I was in the eight month of pregnancy…
I raised my child the best way I could.
For every month on the payment day, Josef had arguments with his wife because of the child’s allowance. This is the poison of his love…
Josef has an illegitimate baby and a wife that proofed to be sterile …
“A man seeds a tree, raises a child and builds a home!” would resemble to someone.
– Very true, but I would like to go ahead to some problems of actuality or more from the society. In fact, what do I wish with all these? Now, that I am an old man, and I have heard and seen it all, I can give some terms of reference in this multitude of lies and incertitude that continuously spread and are up-to-date in here.
Earlier, a party leader was saying that the communism that in other places „harvested”, in her had any kind of base or influence. In fact it had no base because it didn’t „catch” the majority of the country’s population, the countrymen. They couldn’t be „illuminated”. The were forced, and they could not accept that and this happened because they had bases and any kind of changing at their bases it’s no good, in fact, it’s bad.
If someone gets to these people bases it’s not getting anything good from that, nothing good can get from there. This takes both for humans and for plants. Those that came to „waffled”, didn’t realize that in fact they were making a full of themselves in front of this countryman, the Romanian countryman that is aware of this simple fact, simple fact, that was certificated more than one time in ones life, for all history. Any philosophy can not change this truth, this axiom of the ancestral bases.
With the working men it was a lot easier. They haven’t had any bases, therefore they didn’t have any confidence and at least a decent life, a free life, each to be the master of his own and his own destiny.